Today I had my friend’s 9th grade class join mine; some of the freshman I knew while others I didn’t. I do know, however, that many of her kids have reputations of being severely disruptive and have previously been placed in EBD (Emotional and Behavioral Disabilities) classes. (Similar to my 11th grade partner teacher next door who teaches the same demographic and not unlike several of my own students who struggle with aggressive behaviors.) I wonder what it is though, that makes these kinds of kids respond to me the way they do.
Does This Sound Familiar?
We’ve all been there… that student who just won’t back down, the one with a fuse like a ticking time bomb that can be set off by the simple request to “please take your hoodie off in the classroom”. We’ve all also witnessed the ‘pissing match’ that takes place between teacher and student in confrontations or the escalation of behaviors that leads into flying furniture, fist fights and every now and then, in the case of my next door colleague, blood splatters on anchor charts in the classroom. Wait. Did I say “we’ve ALL been there”? I forget, not ALL of us have been there. That, my friends, is the demographic I work with and believe it or not, I don’t think I’d have it any other way, at least at this point in my career.
So What Exactly is It?
This takes me back to my conundrum: what is it that makes them listen and respond to ME they way they do? I mean, I don’t look like them, talk like them or even come from their neighborhood. As a matter of fact, I am probably as square, white bread as they come. Like, big time nerd alert here. If anything, I should be their target.
Personally, I believe it is the advice and strategies that I have learned from my husband, the EBD Clinical Therapist but some of it I’d like to credit as intuition and general regard for a level of respect that all human beings deserve. Some of these kids, albeit deserving at some point, have adults who instigate them to make them rise to a level of behavior that gets them kicked out of class. Exactly what the teacher wanted. While other teachers believe strongly that what appears to be blatant disregard of rules and requests requires immediate disciplinary measures and that then gets them kicked out of the class. Others can’t tolerate the vulgar language that accompanies this type of student so in return, they once again are kicked out.
Now don’t get me wrong, I am not, for one second, condoning any of these behaviors. But I am saying that us having them removed from the class is the LAST thing these kids need. It is the exact reason they are behaving the way they are, to avoid doing, what they don’t understand and what is hard from them. Most of these kids have reading problems, the root of almost all behaviors. There are statistics all over the place to support the school to prison pipeline epidemic we have. Yes, we can solve the vast majority of this issue with reading instruction for sure but what do we do at 16 years old and they are having a full out movie-screen performance temper tantrum in the middle of class?
What Works?
Maybe it is that I tend to lower my own voice and speak to them in close proximity . (I definitely avoid engaging in the conversation across the classroom where the rest of the class can hear.) Maybe it is that I usually try to speak to the student away from the rest of the room to help them ‘save face’. I actually believe, however, what works best is when I use a sincere “please” when asking them to behave as requested and “thank you” when they follow my request. I say “I’m sorry” for times I might have gone against my word or failed to follow through on something I promised to them. I praise them when they deserve it (probably a bit more than I should) and I tell them how deeply they’ve disappointed me when they make wrong choices. By in large, my biggest tool is being consistent. If I ask this child to do something, I’m expecting the same from all of my students. Every time. Every day. No exceptions. Tired and distracted…consistency is key.
Conclusion
I may not be able to tell you exactly why they listen but I can tell you what they have shared with me when I ask them at the end of the year for their feedback. “She’s fair”.
Small words with such profound meaning. Not unlike the ‘Golden Rule’. Why… they certainly don’t call it golden for nothing. What ever you do, just don’t shut them out. These kids already know they are different. There really isn’t any reason to magnify that for them by treating them differently than others or excluding them more so than they already feel.